Nicaragua Is Not an Image Somewhere Far Away

I'm convinced life is cyclical. Everywhere there are cycles. There are the big ones: seasons, birth, life, death -- but the smaller ones mimic the larger cycles. During my past year in Nicaragua I realize I passed through cycles in my work, in my relationships and in my spirit, too.

Leaving Nicaragua, it seemed so much had changed! Yet, in arriving back home, I realize that things are still mostly the same. I think cycles help us to understand the phenomenal tension between what seems to be "so much change" in life vs. life seeming to be the "same old-same old," over and over again.

I don't think the drastic life changes I've experienced during this past year spent abroad can simply be divided into stages. I might say: "On day 236 of my time in Nicaragua, I officially lost my childlike innocence and moved into young adulthood" but I can't say," I learned this at the beginning, this in the middle, and this at the end." Rather it was a process; a constant movement from one crisis, lesson, event or transition to another change.

So, here is what I learned this year.

Work

Originally, I figured my time in Nicaragua would allow me to focus somehow on what my "life's work" might become: an opportunity to explore areas that I had not been exposed before, like advocacy and journalism. I made plans and dreamed big about possibilities. Those were my expectations but then came what happened while I was here. Welcome to Nicaragua, daily life movements, Nica style!

I arrived in Nicaragua with the idea of settling into regular and productive work hours. But in both Managua and León, "regular" never happened and productive must've happened, but it sure didn't feel like it. Regular hours were hard to manage -- one week I'd be glued to the computer in the office, another week I was in the streets doing interviews. As a gringa, I also had an exaggerated expectation for project time lines. Many of my plans for the Advocacy program with PML, would, I figured, settle into place within the first few months -- wrong! Some of those plans I'm just now getting into and tidying up. Looking back though, most things did somehow get done.

My feelings of non-productivity and lack of regularity are likely due to a combination of coming from a culture where work is very serious, long, and regulated, mixed in with a rush and taste of life coming at me, Nica style! For me here, errands took 3-4 attempts to complete; processes were rarely clear; communications always in limbo and relationships not only took time to build but also required working through the cultural differences. Food is always tasty, but rarely cheap, packaged and "ready to go." I found it a challenge to mesh personal needs with work responsibilities while adapting to a new culture. It's the difference between a job and a vocation to find creative and productive activity that nourishes a person and contributes to common good while also paying for the basic needs of shelter and food, and maintaining relationships.

Overall, I find that the rhythm of life in Nicaragua is much more relaxed and sane than in the United States, and thus more conducive to happy combination of job/vocation and relationships. However, Nicaragua still can't offer the variety and possibilities for paid work that can be offered by countries like the United States. To an unemployed person, a call for "creative and productive activity" has no value if the activity is not recognized by society as valuable enough to come with a salary. But then I guess we could say that teachers in the United States aren't sufficiently rewarded monetarily for their creative activity either.

Relationships

I have gained knowledge of a different place, people, and culture many times over and at many different levels during this year. For example, there's my knowledge of León which I sensed soon after I arrived:

Ode to Leon

• Your many churches and parks every few blocks,
• Your old, yellow school buses, bumpy roads, and nonetheless impressive public transportation,
• Your relentless sun and torrential rains,
• Your dance clubs and bars -- from the elite to the scandalous,
• Your city-status but small town feel; then me being recognized in the streets as a part of it,
• Your vendors -- everyone trying to sell something -- kids with gum, women with veggies and tortillas door-to-door, young men with heavy baskets in the markets, older men with lottery tickets, taxi drivers with their cars, students with their degrees, and politicians with their talk.
• Your beggars -- with nothing to sell -- in the churches, parks, markets, streets, sidewalks, and doorsteps,
• Your younger and older men throwing sweet talk in the streets to catch the attention of women passing by,
• Your younger and older women throwing their voices to sell the products carried in baskets on their heads,
• Your distinct 'crazy and forgotten' figures: the marijuana man after the war, the wall-kissing man, the dreds and dancing man, the woman wanderer with her bag of food, and the young yelling woman,
• Your modernity alongside poverty,
• Your wealth alongside trash deposits in the streets and on the highways,
• My house, the church across the street, and the mini-store down the road,
• My walk to work -- 6 blocks down, 5 blocks up.

But there is also my understanding of this place gained as time went along and gained while I began to have interactions with those people I only initially observed.

Encounters with the people

• An older man in a school supply store begins to chat with me as if he's interested in my work with the Project, but by the end of the conversation I realize he's used my work to make a space for talking politics.
• On the bus, 2 older and wider women banter back and forth loudly enough so that every one on the bus can hear all about the "doings" and "happenings" that go into their lives as street vendors -- obviously comfortable sharing so publicly their experiences with large numbers of varied people daily passing by.
• A group of poets, musicians, and professors show up in the bar one night and begin to sing and recite songs and poetry of struggle, love, beauty, and of the revolution.
• Daily, on my way to work, the man who stands in his doorway seeming to wait for me to come by so that he can reach out and practice his 3 or 4 words of English.
• A young man in the copies/photos store, who senses my humility while noting I'm a gringa and thus he assumes I am a nun.
• The middle-aged woman looking for work, who arrived at the office dressed simply and neatly, carrying a polite, dignified, and yet desperate manner about her.
• The friendly mayor's office staff and people loitering who helped me track down a man I needed to sign my document, though he was only happening to pass through the office while on vacation.
• The older man from whom I nearly rented a room. He had a package-deal interest in me, my country of origin, and the current president of Nicaragua -- I sensed he had a bit of money.
• The elderly man in the wheelchair whom I passed each day on my way to work. He was placed outside his front door by his family who must have appreciated the money he asked of passing people in order to help care for him. I find he seems more content with my smile than my córdobas.
• The money-changer in the market with his big smile, rosy cheeks, and professionalism who realizes that I seek him out to change dollars because he treats me like a person, not like a foreign money-holder.

Somewhere in all of this, I came away with a deeper knowledge of this place that helps me realize we have distinct cultural differences, but overall we are more similar than different. It's like languages -- at first hearing, Spanish sounds a lot different than English, but once you get into it, you realize that the basic structures are really similar. So it is with social customs.

U.S and Nica, Different and the Same

• Clothing -- in both the U.S. and Nicaragua, I find young women sexily dressed. Here however, if I dress sexy I get far more comments in the street than a Nica woman would get -- it has something to do with impressions of gringas.
• Men and Women -- relationships and interactions between men and women seem to have far more rules in Nicaragua than in the United States. Nicas seem to think that a male/female relationship only relates to people who are dating, and that a simple friendship is impossible. I've heard the same debate in the States, but the reality of the question is much heavier here.
• Jobs -- whether it's flipping burgers in the United States or selling tortillas in Nicaragua, the pay is low; and well-paid CEOs and government workers exist in both places as well.
• The rich and the poor -- of course, exist in each country. However, the poor are much poorer here than the poor in the United States. To be poor here means no water and no electricity and perhaps insufficient food. The rate of poverty here is much higher than in the United States. There hardly exists a Nicaraguan middle class. A recent statistic states Nicaragua is the worst in all of Latin America regarding equal distribution of wealth between the haves and have-nots Nevertheless, there are Pizza Huts, McDonald's, malls, SUVs and fancy homes with pools both in the United States and in Nicaragua. The contrast here in Nicaragua between rich and poor is much more extreme.
• Public transportatio -- in Nicaragua I can debate with the taxi driver about the price, and get anywhere by bus. In the States, cab rates are fixed by computer, and I have to have a car to get around efficiently.
• Conservatism and liberalism -- I sense that these extremes exist in both countries. However, there seems to be the idea that liberalism flourishes more in the United States and conservatism flourishes more in Nicaragua.

Spirit

Most world religions make references to cycles, and in each religion's versions of the story, the process is about creating something new while shedding the old. In Christianity, it's life, death, then resurrection. In Buddhism, it's repeated lifetimes that give one the chance to improve. In Native American traditions, it's the cycles of earth and its seasons. My spirit is renewed by this experience in Nicaragua, making more obvious what I have learned that seems new and raising my awareness of old knowledge I had tucked away.

I know now that I must walk down the streets of León with a serious, straight face if I am to be respected as a woman. I know that activist work is important, but can also lead to an unstable lifestyle and is not exactly for me in the extreme activist sense. I know that I want to build a mini ideal world with my Nicaraguan husband. I know that "tacos," León style, will forever beat out Taco John's and for cheaper! I know that the male/female relationship is sacred and primary but that female to female friendships are invaluable. I know how many options there are for getting to Managua from León, and how much each one costs. I know that the world's major problems are related to excess of power and force by some, who, in combination with big business contribute to unfair economics and sub-standard living conditions for most of the world's population. However, I also know that families can be happy and stable without vehicles, savings, and high-paid jobs.

I know a lot more Spanish! I know that one dollar is equal to 15 córdobas, and that, as a foreigner living on dollars, I am at an advantage here because as the value of the cordoba keeps going down, I get more córdobas for my dollars. I also observe how the average family here has less and less buying power with their already low salaries paid in ever more devalued cordobas. I know the three-step process for mopping, required daily, to rid my floors of the incessant Nicaraguan dust -- for today at least!

I know now that I am not only a U.S., but a World, citizen, and I understand better the weight of my nation's actions in global concerns. I know that these concerns will be a part of my entire lifetime, and that no matter what country I am in, I must work toward creating home and work environments that radically align themselves with my world view and human values.

Aside from gaining knowledge, I have also been in the process of refining tucked away old knowledge and notions:

I can't expect to always walk safely down a street. People don't always see my openness and ease as lovely, but sometimes as exaggerated or careless.

Not everyone appreciates the notion of both letting go of childishness and retaining the traits of childhood such as innocence, trust, curiosity, and openness.

• Only nice things aren't always said, and sometimes things are said while based only on assumption.
• The whole world won't be saved by my actions, but my little space can be a mini-version of the ideal world I long for.
• Humans are not perfect but we are capable of amazing things.
• Systems do not always make life easier: for some life is made unbearable because of unjust and poorly controlled systems.
• Sometimes friends, family members and even spouses don't trust each other.
• No one country or culture has got everything all figured out but each has got bits and pieces to contribute to the ideal.
• Men and women really are different but the difference contributes to a nice whole.
• Our human differences are mostly just in surface images but unfortunately we create a lot of mistrust and various stereotypes based on appearances. It takes a good number of one-to-one real life experiences to work them out.
• A solid life cannot be built upon ideas and ideals but ideals and ideas can be the basis of a decision to live consciously and well.
• Nicaragua is not an image somewhere far away; it is a place where I have lived and a place to which I will return.

Life ahead may lead me to more big things, but the flow between my work, my relationships and my spirit will teach me how to live life well.